I see many of my peers and I caught in a crazy transition...
When i entered college i remember hearing one of my female friends say "if i'm going to be in a relationship in college, i must be thinking about the LONG-TERM validity of the individual i'm with"...
Through conversations with my black male counter parts i see the Black Man's plight...
we have been raised in this society to be protectors, gatherers, and head of households
The men i have encountered at this stage are not able to successfully fulfill these constructs yet..
Relationships are hard... now.. and they will only get harder!
my male counterparts don't have the degrees they want yet..
The career they want to obtain yet..
The dream they're chasing turned into a reality yet..
if a Man's life is not in order..
(be it a college educated individual..or a life experienced individual)
Then that person should not realistically think about bringing a young lady along for his ride..
Stability...
a Successful college educated individual
or a Successful experienced individual..
has a foundation of stability..
w/o the stability and the ability of a Man to be able to manage ones self issues ..
Men are not ready to be anything but a a vessel for growth..
When i entered college i remember hearing one of my female friends say "if i'm going to be in a relationship in college, i must be thinking about the LONG-TERM validity of the individual i'm with"...
Through conversations with my black male counter parts i see the Black Man's plight...
we have been raised in this society to be protectors, gatherers, and head of households
The men i have encountered at this stage are not able to successfully fulfill these constructs yet..
Relationships are hard... now.. and they will only get harder!
my male counterparts don't have the degrees they want yet..
The career they want to obtain yet..
The dream they're chasing turned into a reality yet..
if a Man's life is not in order..
(be it a college educated individual..or a life experienced individual)
Then that person should not realistically think about bringing a young lady along for his ride..
Stability...
a Successful college educated individual
or a Successful experienced individual..
has a foundation of stability..
w/o the stability and the ability of a Man to be able to manage ones self issues ..
Men are not ready to be anything but a a vessel for growth..
mature men
it seems need to be focused...
damn near selfishly focused to accomplish HIS goals..
Discipline is so important..
I have to be able to lead
Man and woman are the spiritual forces..
But it seems that men have to mature and be giving space to grow into the roll of gatherer, protector, leader, Father, and Husband..
The black man does not do a good enough job of expressing the plight...
We just want to grow into the roll..not be forced in..
Discipline is so important..
I have to be able to lead
Man and woman are the spiritual forces..
But it seems that men have to mature and be giving space to grow into the roll of gatherer, protector, leader, Father, and Husband..
The black man does not do a good enough job of expressing the plight...
We just want to grow into the roll..not be forced in..
a Man can't pretend he is ready...
A mature man admits he is not ready and walks actively in the path of growth and learning..
so that he can pass his wisdom and pray the next generation takes heed and learns and grows faster than he did..
I can't need to rely on anyone.. I have to know without a Shadow of a doubt that I will forever be the HNIC (for you and me) before i am the ..The MAN I want to be!
A mature man admits he is not ready and walks actively in the path of growth and learning..
so that he can pass his wisdom and pray the next generation takes heed and learns and grows faster than he did..
I can't need to rely on anyone.. I have to know without a Shadow of a doubt that I will forever be the HNIC (for you and me) before i am the ..The MAN I want to be!
WOOOOOW! This was a really good post. I think you made very valid points that many girls/women fail to take into consideration. First I want to commend you on not putting the college educated male on a plateau higher than the life experience male. A lot of great males (that I know) aren't necessarily college educated (my father, my grandfather, his father, etc) but are successful nonetheless, and are, and I repeat, GREAT MEN (father's husbands, brothers)!
ReplyDeleteSecondly, one point that stuck out was that in order to achieve many of the things you want, you have to be SELFISHLY FOCUSED! You truly can't take (many) others in consideration, when making moves! This is why it's better to wait to have children.
In college, however, I think the probability of you meeting someone who is just as eager and just as focused and just as driven is much greater than any other point in your life. When two people are working towards similar goals, they help build one another up, and keep each other focused. And when there is genuine love involved, a person gets undoubtedly satisfied with seeing their S.O. succeed!
I agree that the man should be the leader in the relationship, and that he should be well equipped with the necessary tools to lead. However, it's like when two people are "waiting for the perfect time" to have a child...there will never be a perfect time. But when that child comes, you adapt, and become the best parent you can be.
In summation: I think, at this stage in our life, people don't fall in love with the degree you (don't) have, or the career you (don't) have, or the car you (don't) drive. But rather women fall in love with the potential of the man they know you will become, and they want to help in all ways they can!
Ajane